hard adjustments

we're just past nine months since our family almost doubled. Looking back, I try to figure out where the biggest struggles have been...what did we not anticipate? I think without question the adjustment has been toughest on Sam. He was so excited about adopting; even in Taiwan, he was wonderfully attentive and an adorable big brother.

Having 3 little people HOME, day in and day out, though, has proven pretty challenging. Add to the mix that he's hitting adolescence more fiercely than Emma did a few years back and you have a perfect storm of emotion. Of course, the "littles" demand (and get) a lot of time and attention--that's a given. So, there is jealousy. Then, there's the effort he does make to play with them that often ends poorly, with them getting hurt or him feeling offended. I'm sure it's not that different from regular families and sibling rivalry, but it has been mighty painful for us and him.

Thankfully, he is taking an online leadership course through Williamsburg Academy (wacademy) and has been pushed to ask hard questions of himself, and discuss WONDERFUL literature that stretches him mentally and emotionally. It's a positive, but still, we struggle.

One insight I had about a month ago was that I needed to spend GOOD PERSONAL time with him daily...whether to be an audience for violin practice or help with math or a listener. I rarely get the full amount of time that I wish for, but it does feed him.



Another freeing suggestion came from a mentor blog onethankfulmom. She talks about how all of a sudden, because of personalities and needs of specific kids, mornings had to undergo a change. Certain kids stayed in bed til 8, others got ready and left for the day. In other words, instead of everyone happily having breakfast together as a family, they came in specifically planned waves...which, as she said, was completely the opposite of how she wanted her mornings to look. Who thinks that the plan will be to keep family members separated? BUT, as we pass through this first year of adapting and adjusting, we are making whatever changes that will get us through, and hopefully, we progress, bit by bit. I think and hope he is finding his equilibrium.

bye travel partner!

Life marches on in Taiwan and Sam is headed home. There is a GREAT folk arts camp every summer in Anchorage (www.alaskafolkarts.com) that I just can't bear for him to miss, so he's off for a different adventure. I had an insight after our May trip to Hong Kong when I was feeling so frustrated about dates and waiting and so forth. The thought came to me that perhaps Heavenly Father has a bigger picture for us that may not be clear to us at present (not perhaps, I know He does). That weekend in Hong Kong, Sam had ridden the bus home alone with 2 new friends. It made quite an impression on him; he talked about going home to Anchorage and doing lots of things on his own--just a new image of himself. (from a kid who doesn't like to check the mail because of bears and moose) Not that I sought out a 12 hour plane ride to grow his independence, but it feels right. He's been an enormous asset here, playing with the kids and keeping me company. He's had some great opportunities to grow here in unique ways.. Independence will matter when mom and dad have three more people needing care. as for adoption updates, the final ruling came. Now we wait for medical exam results to get sent to AIT (equivalent of the US Embassy). At the moment, our AIT interviews could be as early as the 13th or 14th OR the 20th...depending on when they get the medical info. That is sort of what it's feeling like....wait, wait, get new information that you think might move it along, then wait, wait (over and over again).

Regrouping in Hong Kong

Tom and Emma left Tuesday; Sam and I bought tickets to Hong Kong Wednesday….to leave on Thursday. We found tix $60 cheaper (each) than all of our previous searches thanks to John at Dada. Even better, at the beginning of the week, Erica in Anchorage reminded us that Bentleys, friends of hers had moved to Hong Kong, so we connected with them pronto. It fell into place beautifully and Thursday afternoon, we flew into Hong Kong. They are on Lantau Island, same as the airport, so easy to get to.

(above, view from Bentley's apartment) Heavenly Father must know I need these recharges periodically because this little diversion has been heaven sent. We heard nary a word all week re: court rulings even though judge has had unresponsive birth mom info for 2 weeks at least. We made all our decisions LAST MINUTE this whole week, hoping to hear something. In the end, we decided not to overstay the visa and get monetarily penalized, but to go to Hong Kong and start the 30 day clock over on our return to Taiwan.

So, to come here and stay with a wonderful family and be shown around....taking a break from all that pesky thinking and figuring things out...it has been SO good.

We spent our first day at the science museum where the kids all shot through the place like pinballs in a machine. Sam spent a very long time at the Archimedes Screw exhibit moving pellets through from top to bottom.

Then we went to the Temple Street Night Market....that was mostly not there...because of the rain. No matter, still a fun outing wandering the streets, seeing the lights.

Church on Sunday was just down the road in a local school...small branch with a few American visitors from China, and a treat to listen in English. A good number of expats live in Discovery Bay, so they make up much of the branch.

The day before we left, I got a special treat...Maren and Audrey gave me a pedicure! Bright purple polish done by professionals...what's not to love about Hong Kong??

As a sidenote, this trip has been funny in a different way. We've read MANY books aloud to the kids all through the years and generally hope that they find their way to wanting to read.

While Sam LOVES to listen and learn in many ways, reading has decidedly NOT been one of those ways. He started reading Fablehaven before we left Anchorage and is on book 5 now. Those are literally his first 5 chapter books, so last week I asked what he would do once he finished them and he said, "Maybe I'll just start them again."

But once we got to the Bentleys, he saw lots of other options and from Friday to Monday has read through 6 volumes of Diary of a Wimpy Kid. So, all of these pictures only LOOK like the same book.

He is in the same location, mostly same clothes, but different books at different times of day in every picture. And, believe it or not, we really did get out quite a bit and did active things (there were some late nights of reading).

It has been hugely entertaining to me (nothing new for lots of you parents, I know). I admit that there were days I wasn't sure it would happen, but eventually, it has to, right??

the beach at Kenting

Kenting is a definite beach vacation playground in Taiwan. Millions visit yearly and we saw almost innumberable tour buses coming and going to sites throughout the southern tip of the island.

We awoke our first morning to a downpour, but Emma and Sam were insistent on going to the beach. They spent the morning in the rain and as the day passed, the rain diminished. As adults, our first thought with the rain, was what will we do on a beach vacation if it keeps raining, but that didn’t stop the kids in the least.

Sam, true to form, dug and swam, dug and swam and even made friends with Taiwanese teenagers in his tunneling exploits. He was noticeably happier the whole trip-he has always been our fish. We stayed in Nanwan (which means South Bay) a very small community a few miles from Kenting and were right across the street from the beach. The kids swam much of the day, and Tom relished taking pictures of the scene…the irony of a nuclear power plant pouring warm coolant discharge into the ocean at the edge of the beach where we swam.

In the evenings, we went to Kenting for the night market there…night markets have the feel of a really crowded county fair, complete with food stalls, vendors, games and performers.

We’ve been to quite a few in various towns and cities and they are lively spots, teeming with humanity. In Taipei last week, we experienced some kind of Buddhist/Taoist temple celebration complete with fireworks that never seemed to stop and billows of smoke that kept coming closer and closer to us . Kenting was very small scale just located on the main street and not too crowded since it was a weekday.

Our second day was the DAY of the SUNBURN. Too much time in the sun, sunscreen stolen, inside by lunchtime, but Sam and particularly Emma were both burned, so we stayed away from the beach for awhile. That evening we met Dutch tourists on the beach and found that Kenting has 2 beaches on either end that are open to the public, but a huge space in between that is closed for safety reasons.

Sam found a section of beach that bordered on an area where wild dogs supposedly roam. He was unnerved by that, but all the dogs we came across just looked like survivors.

Day three, we rented a scooter which turned out to be a great choice….easier to see the whole area quickly and get a better feel for the region. We had spent much time waiting for unreliable shuttle buses, so being in control of our transportation was better.

Tom carted us around to a national park and various coastal areas with landmarks and there were gorgeous views and charming spots.

Adoption Update: We were finally able to video chat with Han-han our first real day in Kenting. Considering language barriers and age limitations, it was relatively successful. Can you imagine a 3 year old being told that the faces on the computer screen will be his parents; he is in a foster home-he has a family in his own mind I’m sure. As a side note, we had been told that he hadn’t gotten our packages (sent in Feb and Apr), so we knew he didn’t have very much context about us since the missing package contained a picture album of our family. BUT, seeing that sweet face made it so much more real and was a moving experience for Tom and me.