how will you measure your life?

This is something that has been percolating in my mind over a period of time. Conversations with complete strangers on the train to here and there has brought it back to me again and again...the reasons we chose to adopt...the feelings I have about parenting and family and what it means in the larger picture of life.


I read How Will You Measure Your Life? by Clayton Christensen on the way back from my overnight stay in Hong Kong (the visa hop)and he reiterated what I already feel and believe. There are things that matter most...and do our actions and time reflect what matters most to us?


I met an obviously well-educated affluent Taiwanese couple who had lived in Australia for 40 years and we talked about why we were in Taiwan...adoption...same conversation with numerous others-a computer science professor on the train to Taichung, various parents, strangers and friends alike and the universal refrain tends to be, "Raising a child is so expensive." And I am sure there are other opinions about why having a child (or more than one) is something to be deeply hesitant and cautious about...opinions that align with beliefs and perspectives about priorities.
source: http://djcadchina.wordpress.com/2012/03/20/one-child-policy-in-china-past-present-and-future/

The bottom line for me is a DEEP gratitude for an understanding of how important family is. I know that parenting, however challenging or time consuming (or satisfying for that matter) is a central part of Heavenly Father's plan. Children need love and time and the opportunity to thrive and that does mean sacrifice on the part of those who raise them. That is the bottom line, and I can't imagine choosing other than this.



(this picture was added after we all came home from Taiwan...all five!!)

a child's question: am I loved?

I have been reading a variety of books re: children and families in my spare time here and it is food for thought in a complicated world.

Little Princes is a book about children taken from their parents in Nepal and a man who is attempting to rescue them and eventually find their families. The children are amazingly resilient, but policies and politics and violence impact their futures daily…food, shelter, the most basic of needs. Some have no memory of parents, but were ironically so loved that they were given to what the parents perceived as a safe haven but was not.

Another, Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother is heartwrenching in its account of birth mothers of girls in China and the decisions and struggles they faced in their society as recently as the past few years. It was SOBERING and thought provoking, the loss, tragedy, and sadness. In China, there appears to be no chance of finding one’s birth parents (in the time frame of this book--through 2006 or so) because of policies and no records and no value placed on girls.

So many factors enter the picture with adoption, and small children who grow up to be big children ask and wonder and hope that the story of their life, from beginning to present, is one of love. There are as many different reasons for adoption as there are choices and thoughts of individual parents (on the birth and adoptive side). In our kids’ case, there were different factors (than those delineated in Chinese mother) that prevented them from getting the care they needed, and I realize that it is a lifetime journey to love children and teach them of their value and hope that they have enough inner strength to conquer the questions of “where did I come from?” or "was I loved?"

And truly, those are the same questions that all children have. As often as I labor in a child’s behalf and express my love, I still get the question, “Do you love me?” It is the same lessons and love that we strive to share daily, and oh, how important it is to communicate those messages fully, effectively, and impactfully.