STRESS VENT

Overall, I have been (in my humble opinion) relatively calm throughout this process. Yesterday (and a few other days this week) was an exception. Saturday, Sam and I went to visit Mei-Yun and Tsung-Lin at the orphanage...first off, Sam made a friend at the train station. At least once a week, an older lady goes on and on in Chinese about how beautiful he is. haha...he's flattered.

The visit itself was somewhat emotionally and mentally challenging for me. Maybe it was just that it was the end of a long week of airline phone calls and coordinating communication about some travel issues with a 16 hour time difference. I had expectations based on conversations last week that we would be going to an art museum with just the 2 kids and an agency translator, but it was all different when we got there.

"Here's your room...you can play with them here for the next 4 hours. Be a mom, do what you want." Okay, do what I want in this room, no English, not my house, not even my kids yet. Both agency worker and orphanage worker were new to me...I hadn't met them yet (in 4 different days of visits)and it sometimes feels like I have to prove myself over and over again, just a little like the feeling when the homestudy is being put together. Not really, but that undertone of "how's she gonna do? can she handle it?"

So...to the actual visit. We arrived, had a storytime with a visitor and then went off to our own place, a room at the orphanage. I had brought barrettes and silly putty for them and this time it was the silly putty that was a hit. Mei-Yun did a little tea party with the silly putty, Sam and Tsung-Lin made awesome creations with very large tinker toys. We played, had lunch and then went outside to the orphanage playground.

To cap the day off, the kids from a few "houses" at the orphanage all went to an elementary school playground across the street. Mei-Yun was a little warmer this time. Definitely not all over me like in the beginning, but she wanted me to push her on the swings and some other little concessions.

I'm glad we've had some time....these weeks to familiarize ourselves with each other and not have to be on warp speed get to know you. Tsung-Lin is generally all boy...chase, roar and jump all over. He can be focused and attentive when he does his homework or listens to a program, but just as energetic and crazy when playing with others.

honeymoon's over

The honeymoon is officially over!!! We went to Taichung Friday morning and planned to stay overnight at the orphanage through til Saturday afternoon. Their caregiver wanted to use some of their stipend money to get items they needed, so we looked for English/Chinese books with pinyin (simplified Chinese characters that Tsung-Lin can read) and backpacks for both kids. (below Mei-Yun sharing food with Sam)

At the end of six hours, we had backpacks, a great pasta lunch at a place with a beautiful outdoor pond area, a few books and an ice cream cone…great at the end of a hot sweltering day. All was hunky dory...holding hands, "mama, mama," sharing food, smiles, and happiness.

We went back to the orphanage, had showers and dinner and then sat around and chatted. Lots of kids from other floors of the orphanage like to check in on the little ones and play and a few adults passed through too.

At the end of the evening, some of the kids were watching a movie when all of a sudden, I could hear Mei-Yun crying with her face in her lap. I couldn't see that any hitting had been going on...it seemed out of the blue. I went over to check and she wanted nothing to do with me; after a few minutes, the caregiver figured out that she was feeling scared about going to the United States. Deep emotion, little girl...so we took a break from each other...or rather, she took a break from me. She opted to sleep all alone on this great big bed for 5 while Sam, Tsung-Lin, and the 3 other little girls in the "house" and I had a sleepover on the floor.

The next day, things were still standoffish, but my grand plan panned out. All along, I have felt that having Sam and Emma as part of our family would work positively because from the beginning, I actually assumed the kids would attach more to other kids than to adults. So, even though Mei-Yun studiously avoided me all day Saturday, she was all over Sam.

A whole bus full of kids from the orphanage went to a play and she would ONLY sit NOT beside me. Honestly, I am grateful we know how she feels, and I want her to have room to mourn and figure things out. It seems perfectly normal to me to feel scared about the upheaval of one's entire world. I know we're in it for the long haul, and we'll have time help sort things through and love her and heal. No worries.

first visit with Mei-Yun and Tsung-lin

We arrived in Taichung early in the day with the intent of going to the science museum first and then to visit Mei-Yun and Tsung-Lin at the orphanage in the afternoon. Children’s Home has 160 or so children, its own kindergarten, a large playground and charming little garden area. They are divided into smaller groups depending on age and sex and, for an institution, everything looked nice and clean and homey. The kids were sitting at a little table with snacks in the middle, waiting for us to come.

All kinds of adults were around and I was able to sort out later that some worked at the orphanage, one was a social worker from Yunlin County (where kids are originally from; she's overseen this from the beginning) and our translator. The room was perfectly clean, but I didn’t see any toys, so I didn’t know if we were supposed to sit at the table and chat in our EXTREMELY limited Chinese. So I got out the spinning tops that were a success with Han-han and some little sponge capsules that you drop in water and they become African animals. That caught their attention for a good half hour. They hovered over the cup of water, watching and waiting, then squeezing out the little sponge and matching it to the picture on the back of the package. GOTOVIDEO

The orphanage had gotten out photo albums of them and pictures they had drawn and both kids flipped through and proudly showed their pictures to us. After a time, it was decided that we’d go out for dinner…less people and hyperactivity, so we took a taxi to our favorite….yes, McDonalds!! We live less than a mile away from McDonalds in Anchorage and in 4 years, I think I can count on one hand how many times we’ve gone. Ironic, yes? The getting ready was clearly a big deal to them; I doubt there are many outings with just them. They were SO excited and gathering umbrellas, bags and raincoats. GOTOVIDEO

It was a roaring success, from the food to the kids meal toys to the play area. At one point, Mei-Yun had my camera and carefully, with great focus, took pictures of everything in sight…the bathroom door, my water bottle, the shoe bin. It was pointed out that at the orphanage, only the adults have the camera, so she was having a blast, directing me here and there for her photo shoot. (below are some of her photos)

They loved playing with Sam; both were asking our help to do this and that. Mei-Yun kept saying “Mama, guo lai..come here.” They spoke mostly Chinese, but there was a lot of context to help figure out what they wanted and the translator mostly helped with the questions I asked of the orphanage workers.

Everyone had noticed Sam's numerous mosquito bites, so Mei-Yun became the nurse, applying ointment a few times at the orphanage and McDonalds.

All in all, I don’t know that it could’ve gone better. There was the faint glimmer of “What was I thinking?” but I had that fleeting feeling when I was expecting Sam…of “can I do this?” And really, we just do it…parenting is good and hard.... and better and harder, and we do it.

what we miss & what we gain

This started as a post on what we miss, and turned into...what we gain. These are the kids, Han-3 yrs, Lin-5 yrs, and Mei-Yun-4 yrs and if we can remember why we're here, all else is just periphery, right?

This week, Dada School got 2 more volunteers, a couple from Ireland. We figured 7 volunteers was overkill and wanted to clear out so the new couple could make friends with the kids more easily. Most of our outings thus far have been fairly locally, by train or through John and Ching’s transport and guidance.

We are in the north-Taoyuan County, light blue west of Taipei, and are headed to the beach in Kenting at the southern tip-light green. It was a classic travel day…too much time spent on trying to do the video chat with Han only to have it not work. We left later than we’d planned, took a train to a neighboring town, spent TOO long figuring out where the shuttle bus was to the High Speed Rail (HSR), and made it on finally.

HSR was super quick, considering we were going most of the length of the island. Once we got to Kaoshuing, we met a driver for the rest of the trip; that took about 5 broken English phone conversations (thank you for a phone to have the conversation on) to figure out where we were supposed to be. You forget all of the variables involved in finding locations and the attendant details that our lack of Chinese brings. And as a sidenote, even our fellow volunteer (who says he speaks Chinese at about a 6 year old level) pointed out that he knows very little of the written language, so he could potentially have nearly as much trouble as us.

Note: these are not complaints! But I thought it would be fun to highlight what we miss, now that we’ve been here 3 weeks and have gotten our feet plenty wet! Max is at the top of our list…especially for Sam and Tom. Each time the kids presented the power point on Alaska, Sam went on and on about Max. Even a relative stranger at church got to hear about the dog. Sam also misses cold weather—classic grass is greener, right? I miss ice cold water-that is not part of the culture. No drinks during meals either. I also miss showers that have a door, so that the entire floor of the bathroom doesn’t get wet. Yes, I am spoiled, I know.

And finally, since we have the proof…I was EMBARRASSINGLY happy at Costco last week. I had no idea Costco was in Taiwan, and loved just wandering around. But I know all of you women out there are with me on that one!

Emma misses “regular” bathroom stuff…like being able to put toilet paper down the toilet (which we can’t do in JhongLi)…and being in public places where there is no toilet paper and squat toilets, yes, I miss that too. She also misses your occasional meat based meal; needless to say, we can track down these things-it’s not that they don’t exist, just that they’re hard to find. So....bottom line is that we're all extra grateful for all that we have; it's good to get outside the proverbial comfort zone to see the good.